On that 2020 insight

Surprise, surprise: it’s New Year’s Eve and here I am again, writing a post after months of silence.

I’m not sure what it is about the New Year that gets me thinking I can reinvent myself, change myself, better myself, as if I’m not already living a life I’m proud of. I also get this weird itch to clean everything I can see. For example, today I swept under my bed for the first time since I moved into this place (it was wild). I also have plans to go through and refold everything, audit my knickknacks, and really become a minimalist. It’s not even like I don’t love things the way they are, but there’s something soothing about resetting everything at the dawn of a New Year.

I have also been in deep reflection about what I learned this year and how I’m ready to use this knowledge to move forward. My biggest lesson this past year was that I need to learn patience and mindfulness. I cannot rush into rage or frustration. That reaction isn’t sustainable; taking a breath and processing what is happening and how it’s effecting me should be my first step.

This coming year I want to release myself from my self-loathing tendencies. I have outgrown them and they no longer serve me. I will not judge my past self for turning to tearing myself down, instead I will learn to comfort myself and bring myself up. I also want to learn how to sew my own clothes, and how to cook better, and how to eat more locally and to eat what is in season. I really want to challenge myself to do these things this year because putting time into myself teaches me that I’m worth the time.

This year I want to be more caring to myself and to others, and I really want to own my actions to help ease my anxiety. Being honest and taking responsibility will be at the forefront of everything I do.

It’s wild to think how much I have grown in the past decade: I learned to drive, graduated high school and university, I have loved, gotten hurt, hurt others, I learned a lot about my sexuality, I’ve made some of the most amazing friends, and maintaining an amazing relationship with my mother, sister, and father. I’m really lucky to be able to live in my dream city with the most incredible support group around me.

Congrats, gang. We made it to a new decade and a new year. Let’s crush it.

xo

Lea

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