I feel like life is a lot right now. As a student who is juggling school, friends, (occasional) work, family, fitness, keeping up with the Kardashians, it can be a lot sometimes. Recently I have really been feeling the pressure. I have just over a month left of my undergrad and everything is due all at the same time, and I’m stressing and rushing and feeling overwhelmed and also incredibly saddened by the fact that I feel like I’m not enjoying this. After this everything will change. Yes, you can always go back to school, but it will never be the same. Although I do feel ready for something new and I look forward to my new chapter as a “real person” with excitement, I do feel a twinge of sadness knowing this part of my life is coming to an end.
Growing up is scary, period.
It is exhilerating, and new, and terrifying, and annoying, and frustrating, and empowering, and humiliating, and demoralizing, but necessary. You have to do it, you have to learn how to pay your bills, how to have a job, how to pay rent, how to be a person. And you’ll figure it out don’t worry, but I often feel that we get so wrapped up in what’s all around us that we forget to live these moments. I am guilty of this. The past few weeks I haven’t really been living my life. I’ve been going through the motions, staying in bed, not doing things for me, feeling sad and not addressing issues I have that I probably should.
Basically I have been denying myself the joy of living every moment of my life.
I have not been present, I have not been enjoying what I’m doing. I started this blog out of passion for writing, photography, and fashion, yet I find myself now feeling it is a burden. I don’t want to be doing something that feels like a burden. You shouldn’t feel that things you choose to be in your life are burdenous, but rather they are avenues of yourself. This is my outlet, it is where I can express myself in a totally unique way than the rest of my life.
I feel like these past few weeks I have really been racing through the end of my four years here at Queen’s and now that I’m almost at the finish line I have stopped running and am now just going through the motions. And I don’t want that. I want to consciously feel everything. I want to really absorb everything this school has to offer me for the last time and really embrace being in this chapter. Yes I am ready for it to be done, but I don’t want to rush the ending.
I guess what I’m saying to you all is that regardless of where you are in your book of life, don’t skim it. Don’t flip through trying to find the “good stuff”. You’re living the good stuff right now, this moment of your life is truly unique if you let it be. Embrace your now, enjoy taking the time to really live your moments, don’t just skip to the end because you’ll realize you’ve missed the plot.
To conclude I would like to acknowledge the words of the great Canadian, Drake with his wise words: “Everybody dies, but not everybody lives”. Take time to enjoy the present.